Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
