the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
