I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
