Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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