i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
