I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
