i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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