I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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