This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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