since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
