I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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