We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
