You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
