Duck Duck Cougar?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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