The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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