its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
