We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
