Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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