I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
