I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
