Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
