Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
