dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They have beer where we have blood.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
