did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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