it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize