he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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