So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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