Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
