I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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