we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
