dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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