i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
