Don't you send me to vm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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