I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
