I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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