So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
