Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
