so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
