chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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