There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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