I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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