I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
