You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
