Pappa wants mamma naked
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize