I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
