ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
