All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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