Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
