Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
