i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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