I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
