her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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