Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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