Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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