who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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