Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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