I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
