A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
