i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
