who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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