And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
