i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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