dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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