Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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