we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
