Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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