I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
