somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
