dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
