Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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