Buhtt sex?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
