hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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