I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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