I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
