If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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