oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
