K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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