he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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