i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
