That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
