Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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