my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
