just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
