So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
