The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize