Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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