if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
