yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
