I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
