From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
