fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
