Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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