I think I just saw someone hide a body.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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