...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
