Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They took my balls.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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