I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
