I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize