he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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