Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it hurts more in the daytime
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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